Dark Shadows and Fairy Lights

Posted by me on October 20, 2014, on Facebook

I used to be afraid of the monster under the bed, monsters in the closet, and all that. I was so terrified by the idea of something reaching out and grabbing my feet, or hands, that I made sure to keep far away from the edge of the bed. I also kept completely covered by the blanket, with only my eyes peeking out from underneath.

It was a ritual I had to turn off the light switch, which was near the bedroom door, and then jump onto the bed from a few feet away. I didn't even want my feet near the bed after dark, or anytime. Then, when I was safe and secure under the covers. I'd lie awake, imagining all sorts of wonderful and awful things were going on in the shadows of my bedroom.

It was that time again when I was around 4 years old, and everything was magical. The only fairies I'd been exposed to were Tinkerbell and the ones from Sleeping Beauty. I'm not sure if what I was seeing was real or imagined, but the lights and shadows in my bedroom were alive at night.

These pretty little light beings would dance around the room and even land on me. They were perfect little people, glowing, made of light but with a human shape and these delicate dragonfly wings. They had very gentle mannerisms and were quite regal. I loved them very much.
There was also something dark and ominous in the room. Over in the farthest corner, there was a presence. A huge shadow that moved and reached out for the little lights. It would grab them and eat them up. They would cry out softly and then were just gone.

One night, there was a weird light outside my bedroom window, not far from that dark corner and the monster lurking there. I looked out and saw a big hole open up in the yard. There was an eerie glow coming from it, with shadows creeping out. Some of the light beings lived outside, like lightning bugs, and they were beating on the glass, calling for help..and then they were gone too. That night was a massacre.

When they were all gone, there was nothing left but shadows and darkness. I was alone in there. Utterly alone.

Fortunately for me, the next day was one of those times when my mother wasn't doing so well and needed a place to crash. Conveniently, there was a second bed in my room on the wall near the window. So she moved into the room with me. Having my mother close was always nice. I felt much safer. Some nights when I had gotten so terrified by the shadows, I would leap from the bed and run to my grandfather's room to sleep in his bed. I never slept with my grandmother. I don't know why, but I was always attached to my pops, and nobody else but my mama would do. My nanny was the sweetest thing and always took care of me. I will forever feel guilty for not giving her the love and appreciation that she deserved. Always, always show them how much you love them before they're gone. xoxo love you nanny <3

Anyway, my mama was there now, so I wasn't as afraid of the dark. I still didn't like getting my feet near the 'under-bed', but I didn't leap as far to avoid it. I still kept my covers pulled up to my chin tightly before sleep overtook me, but I would sleep much more easily. I wouldn't spend so much time thinking about all of the scary things in the room. I would just go to sleep.

Then something would happen during the night. I don't know how, but those blankets, tucked so tightly around me and pulled up to my chin, ended up on the floor all the way across the room. I would wake up in the morning after sleeping through the night like I was in a coma, freezing and wondering how I'd come to be uncovered. This happened for days on end, and I was very unnerved by it. I was terrified again. Even with my mother there, she couldn't protect me from whatever was in my room messing with me. Something was ripping my covers off me in the middle of the night. If I had kicked them off, wouldn't they have been simply bundled up at the foot of the bed, or the side, even? Nope, all the way across the room near the door. It wasn't Mama. She was always still sleeping when I woke up in the morning light. I needed help, and because I was a Sunday School kid, I prayed for help. It wasn't exactly God that answered.

I started having these strange dreams. The shadows had crept in, or so I imagined. I started seeing weird vampire-like beings. This was sometime after my encounter with the Nosferatu-esque, tall man with the black eyes and sharp little teeth, but the general creepiness was still there in these dream beings. They seemed like vampires, but maybe demonic, or a type of elemental beings. I'd never seen a vampire movie until years later when Salem's Lot came out. So I didn't have a point of reference at the time for what a vampire was. I've told these stories to people over the years, and they just dismiss me, saying I must have seen a vampire movie or something like that, and the image invaded my dreams. That may be likely, but the impact was made, and it's been a positive one, admittedly.

These vampire-like beings would sit me down on the side of the bed and have long conversations with me at night about my fears and how I could battle them. They taught me all sorts of tricks and gave me information on how to surround myself with the dark, to revel in it, so that the dark could never harm me. I would make my demons my friends. Remember, I was only 4 years old. These concepts should have been a little out of my range. But I understood completely.

About this time, I was teaching myself to read and started reading Alfred Hitchcock, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew mysteries, and even Sherlock Holmes. I was ravenously reading up on all of the mystery books. Then I started to conquer the religion, occult, and mythology section of my school library. Curses, Hexes and Spells, Vampires, Werewolves, I was home.

I faced my fear of the dark. I didn't see the fairies anymore, until much, much later in life, but I didn't see the shadow monsters either, and whatever the fuck was yanking off my covers...pervert douche bag poltergeist...finally quit doing that to me, too. The next several years were kind of uneventful in the paranormal realms, but I became a little sponge, soaking up all the occult information I could find in every library I had access to.

Fear can either inhibit or motivate you. You have to decide which one.